Bar Jokes

bar jokes 1

Two men are in the hospital, one of them has almost all bones broken. As his neighbor asks: "What'n happened to you?"

The other: "Jo, I was there in such a beautiful grove bear hunting." When I came to a small cave, a small bear out, I was too small.I came to a middle cave, came out a medium bear, was always me still too small.I came out to a big cave, Alpenexpress.

 

bar jokes 2

A man and a woman meet in a bar. After some drinks they drive to him and have sex. When the woman goes to the bathroom, she realizes that she has gotten her days, but thinks: "Oh, he is so full, he does not notice." She goes back to him and it goes on as before.

When the man wakes up the next morning, he notices that his sheet is full of blood and panics. He runs to the gun cabinet, counts all pistols and is relieved, because all weapons are still there. He runs into the kitchen to the knife block and is relieved to find that everyone is here too. He goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face. When he looks in the mirror, he says in alarm, "Damn, I ate her ..."

 

bar jokes 3

In the forest, the bear gathers all the animals around and says: "Everybody gets me a big piece of meat, otherwise I'll beat you with my P ****." First comes the rabbit. "I'm not a predator, but I can offer you a few carrots." Then the bear beats several times with his P **** on the hare, who alternately cries and laughs. Bär: "Why are you laughing?" Rabbit: "Here comes the hedgehog with mushrooms."

 

bar jokes 4

Two East Frisians and a Berliner live in the same hotel. Suddenly the Berliner has disappeared and the Ostfriesen give up a missing person report. Asks the official: "Did the Berliner have special marks?"

 

"Yes, he had two assholes!"

 

"How's that?", The official asks in wonderment.

 

"Well, whenever we came to the hotel bar with him, the bartender said: 'Here comes the Berliner with the two assholes.'"

 

bar jokes 5

A man at the counter after 23 schnapps to the innkeeper : "Bidde noch'n glass!" 

 

The landlord: "But you know how your wife reacts when you're so drunk !" 

 

"Ejal, her jamid!" After this sip, the man gets together and gets up from his stool. But he falls to the ground. He tries to get back up, but he does not succeed. Since he has not got far, he decides to go home. Once there, he sees that his wife is sleeping soundly. He does not worry and lies down next to her. When he wakes up the next morning, he sees his wife furiously standing in the doorway. Ask her, "Were you drunk again yesterday?" 

 

He wonders, "How did you get that?" 

 

"Well, the innkeeper was just there and has brought your wheelchair over."